“Are Common Courtesies Going Away?”

I admit, I don’t watch a lot of golf on TV, but I do watch the Masters and this year was no exception.  The Masters Tournament is one of the four major championships in professional golf. Scheduled for the first full week of April, the Masters is the first major of the year, and unlike the others, it is always held at the same location, Augusta national Golf Club, in the city of Augusta, Georgia.

This year’s winner – Hideki Matsuyama – played some really great golf and made history by becoming the first man from Japan to win a major championship.

Matsuyama got teary eyed shortly after sinking his final putt, and his caddie was emotional too.  So much so, that after replacing the pin stick on the 18^th hole, Matsuyama’s caddie turned and bowed toward the course.  I have to admit seeing his caddy remove his hat and bow back to the course had me teary eyed too.  

His small gesture of honor and respect was overwhelming and reminded me of just how much golf is full of courtesies.  You see, golf adheres to a code of conduct known as courtesies, or etiquette, which generally means playing the game with due respect for the golf course and other players.  

Etiquette is often seen as being as important to the sport as the rules themselves!

Golf is a courteous game.  Most golfers appreciate the rules and established etiquette on the course.  Sadly, because of disregard or just plain obliviousness, etiquette violations remain – (and I am pretty sure I have committed a few breaches of golf etiquette when playing now and then)….but, fixing this situation is easy – it’s simply a matter of understanding proper golf etiquette.  

According to golf etiquette, the sport of golf is played without guidance, supervision, or control by a coach, referee, or an umpire on the golf course.  Basically the game relies upon each golfer to be considerate of their fellow players and to abide by the “Rules”.

There are unspoken rules of etiquette and more stringent rules of good golf etiquette, and there are three types of etiquette or courtesies:

• Courtesies dictated by rules;
• Courtesies given out of respect; and
• Courtesies that are personality driven.

Courtesies Dictated By Rules

Rules of golf etiquette (or courtesies) define the proper behavior of those playing the game.  

For example – 

• Let the winner of the previous hole tee off first at the next tee
• Have the player who is farthest away from the pin hit first on each shot
• Do not disturb/distract other players while making their play

In golf the courtesy rules are published every four years in “The Rules of Golf and the Rules of Amateur Status” by the governing bodies of golf (R&A/USGA). While none of these guidelines are enforced by penalty in and of themselves, each course authorities may disqualify any player who acts in serious breach of etiquette, thereby violating the “Spirit of the Game”. 

Courtesies Given Out Of Respect

Courtesies given out of respect while playing golf are simply the display of good manners and dealing with other people.

For example –  

• Raking the traps.  Yup, we all wind up in sand traps now and then. When (not “IF”) you find yourself “on the beach,” use the rake.  It is there for you to use to rake out your footprints once you’ve freed your ball.  And when you’re done, always return the rake to the spot where you found it, and never place it where it could easily interfere with fellow golfers.

• Replacing the divots.  If you’re taking a fairway shot and you get your club deep under the ball, it’s likely that you’ll slice out some turf along with it.  The swatch of grass that goes flying in front of you and the shallow trench it came from are both referred to as a divot, and it’s proper and courteous to replace your divot before moving on. 

• Preserving the line.  Once everyone is on the green and the putters are out, there tends to be a lot of walking around as players get a feel for the breaks and banks that await them.  Walk all you like, but it’s considered extremely bad form and very poor etiquette to walk across the space between an opponent’s ball and the cup, known as the line.  A good rule of thumb is to keep to the perimeter outside everyone’s ball.

• Shut up.  There’s plenty of good-natured ribbing that goes along with playing a round, and that’s fine if you’re just messing around, but if you’re playing a pricey round, or one that’s considered even semi-serious to anyone in the group, then save the jokes for the golf cart.  And…..Never, Ever, talk during someone’s backswing as it can be highly distracting and potentially ruin a great shot.

Courtesies That Are Personality Driven

I believe courtesy is not just limited to words but includes actions too.  In fact, many times actions speak louder than words. 

The term personality refers to the habits, attitudes and other social traits that are characteristic of a given individual’s behavior.

The behaviour and the action of Hideki Matsuyama’s caddie was definitely personality driven!   

Golf is inextricably linked to a player’s ego (a.k.a. personality).  Most often a player’s confidence and how they feel about themselves matches their handicap!  (This is where I don’t tell you my handicap!) All players should conduct themselves in a disciplined manner, demonstrating courtesy and sportsmanship at all times, irrespective of how competitive they may be. 

Whether you’re playing Pebble Beach with a brand-new Callaway driver or just letting loose at the Putt N’ Stuff with your uncle’s mismatched clubs, always employing common courtesy will let the world know that you know what you’re doing out there, regardless of where you are playing. 

Of course all this talk of courtesy and respect had me wondering about courtesy and respect outside the world of golf?  

My parents and grandparents often spoke of something they called, “common courtesy,” which I came to understand referred to simple acts of consideration for others, such as being respectful and mannerly toward them. 

While for the most part it seems I try to live by the motto of “you do you,” there are some core principles that I deem are universal how-to human tenets. 

Sure personal space, eye contact, and considerate behavior may shift from culture to culture; I’d like to think that not being a jerk is universal.  So here are some of my suggestions on how to have some basic common courtesy.

Let people finish their sentences.

I can’t count how many times I have been out with friends, or in a classroom, or even sitting around the golf club house, trying to get my point out and someone decides that what I have to say doesn’t matter.  That their opinion is clearly more important than mine, they cut me off and proceed to dominate the conversation.  Respect the voices of others, yes even if they’re talking about spreadsheets full of grass clipping percentages from 1937.  Just wait your turn.

Accept that other humans exist in this world.

I am huge advocate of the “Me First” thinking and I know prioritizing yourself from time to time is good, but doing it all the time and thinking the world revolves around your wants, needs, and priorities makes you a selfish SOB!  Remember there are other people who have different (or may even have the same) wants, needs, and priorities in their life and don’t run roughshod on them.  This doesn’t mean rewarding incompetence or becoming selfless, but rather acknowledging that you, your values, and your life has no more right to the front of the line than anyone else’s.

Be helpful.

Don’t be the person who won’t get off your behind and chip in when others need help.  It doesn’t matter if you’re the patriarch of the family, the monarchy, or the little sister – you can set the table, help do the dishes, and carry your own weight.  Pick up that piece of litter you see along your walk even if it’s not yours, or how about replacing the toilet paper roll when it runs out even if it’s not your turn.  Just remember, even the Queen of England can fix her own Land Rover, what’s your excuse for being a lazy blob?

Respect a difference of opinion.

This is a BIG ONE!!  So we identify with different political parties but does that really mean someone is stupid and simpleminded?  No, of course not.  Does everyone have to get so raging upset when others feel differently about a controversial topic?  The world is full of different thinking individuals coming from different religions, cultures and upbringings and you know what?  That’s what makes us so beautiful!  Can’t we just conduct ourselves by showing that we are decent humans by having respectful and polite conversations with each other?

Pick up after your pets.

Seriously, it is sad I even have to write this but if you let your dog poo in a nice park that children are playing in and then just walk away, you suck at being courteous and you are disgusting.  There are doggy bags everywhere you look, trashcans at every corner.  If you have a pet, clean up after it. Come on people – Keep the Earth sanitary.

I think common courtesy is a proper and Godly response to recognizing the dignity due every individual in some measure.  Perhaps practicing common courtesies could be your entrance to very uncommon blessings.  

Remember it was Mark Twain who said, “Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see”.   

My Reads from the Reds: Showing courtesy is one of the many ways that draw us closer together as human beings, so make sure everyone in your foursome is behind you when you hit, and don’t forget your please and thank yous – Because Nice Matters!

Fairways and Greens Everyone! We are 18 Holes and Counting!

Written by Kathy Festa